If you've experienced a bad break-up, even though you may feel lonely, you are not alone. Also, as difficult as it may feel right now, it is possible to fall in love again. Taking the time to heal from this experience and learning to express your thoughts and feelings will help as you recover from this loss. While everyone reacts to a break-up differently, there are some "Do's and Don'ts" to help you move forward and fall in love again.
The stages of grief may occur in order for some people. Others may go back and forth between stages until they feel they have recovered from the event. During this time of transition, you may feel frustrated, but it's okay not to be "okay. This is a period where you may feel in shock and tell yourself, "This can't be happening. It's not uncommon to feel angry or upset after the end of a relationship.
During this time, many people lash out at their ex. Often, especially if a relationship lasted for a long time, individuals may feel the need to "make a deal" with their ex. For example, "If you give me another chance, I will do whatever I need to in order to make things work.
There comes the point in the grief process where the realization that things are not going to change sets in. This is the time when you learn to accept what has happened even if it's still painful and move on. This is also the point when you are in the right headspace to fall in love again. While not all people experience extreme depression, there is usually some form of sadness that comes with knowing the situation is not going to change. During this time, if the feelings of grief become overwhelming, it may be helpful to talk to someone professionally.
As much as the thought of being alone may make you cringe, looking for a new relationship before you have recovered from your break-up can be a negative thing. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship. Give your mind and emotions a chance to heal. Find yourself again. When you have recovered from the break-up completely, you can slowly begin to think about a new relationship. This is important because starting a new relationship before you are over a break-up means you are probably bringing the emotional baggage from being hurt with you.
It's not fair to you or your new "someone. You may not need to get rid of everything that is a reminder of your ex. However, things that may cause a painful reaction should be put away. For example, photos, texts, social media, and any gifts or trinkets may cause you to feel overwhelmed.
Even if you don't feel like you are ready to get rid of these items entirely, put them in a place that is out of sight until you are prepared to deal with the reminders. This will help you be able to fall in love again. As tempting as it may be if your relationship has ended, it's best to cease contact with your ex. If you have children with your ex, some communication may be necessary. However, keep it minimal and don't extend your time of communication.
This may feel especially challenging if you have unresolved feelings. Still, for your overall mental well-being, and to let you fall in love again , limiting contact will be helpful. A mother who is depressed or emotionally not available herself raises a child that doesn't learn to connect very well emotionally just like their mom.
If an infant or child is exposed to high levels of fear and stress, like many abused or neglected children, than this can possibly predispose a child to a latter need for recreational drugs or produce an aggressive or self-destructive child.
The skills necessary for achieving an intimate relationship are both the ability to be self-aware enough to be in touch with your own feelings and than be able to relate to the feelings and experiences of the intimate partner. Lacking these skills leaves one with a diminished ability to both give love and receive it. We live in a fast-paced culture and the result is we want everything to come as a quick delivery.
Love takes time to develop; it is not a process that can be accelerated. Loving someone deeply requires taking the time to truly know them. It takes honesty, it requires some risks and it takes a tremendous amount of trust. Yet many people think they can just fast forward the process like some steamy scene in a romance movie and begin a real relationship with sex instead of communication.
It is doomed to fail because microwave love misses out on real intimacy. Could it be that we hurry through love, rush relationships, speed up sex, and race through life in general because we are all too wounded to be willing to take the risk of loving someone deeply? Or could it be that our culture has just lost the ability to love because we have become too narcissistic and self-centered? Hurrying through life keeps us so busy that it steals the important solitude that we need to be healthy and whole, both psychologically and spiritually.
In other words it keeps us from fully feeling our emotions of loneliness and emptiness. Maybe that's why some people stay so busy and never take a minute to slow down, because if they did it would mean getting honest about what's missing in their life and that would be too painful, so it's off to another busy activity to avoid getting real.
It just struck me as strangely sad that he was referring to a woman that had loved him. She loved and he wasn't able to feel it anymore. In the end it is painful when the fire goes out and you are left in the cold. I could not agree with Lorelle more in the important points. I am still a work in progress bu I know that without this place you have created full of empathy and commonality I would not have learned anything at all. Thank you. Everyone here gives of themselves and it is beautiful.
I am thankful for you and to everyone who shares because it helps. It makes the pain and the process of trying to figure myself out easier. I love you and I wish you and the tribe a wonderful holiday. Be well. Don't worry — None of us are alone on the holidays because we have each other, always. I am just as grateful for you too sister. Linda — you and I have shared so much on this blog this past year and I have so much love and respect for you my friend.
I can feel in your words that you are much stronger now than you were back then … both of us are. This blog has saved me many times from falling off my white horse and you my dear were a just as big a part of that as our beautiful Natasha. Not enough words to express how thankful I am for this place Natasha has created for all of us. We are never alone here… EVER. I wish you well my friend and I hope you have a peaceful and blessed holiday.
We have both shared so much and you have been a very big part of my growth. Thank you for all your support and kind words. I know I am not alone. I wish you so much peace and love and all good things. I really hope a day comes when we can meet. You keep your head up and I a, always here to talk to. Enjoy your holiday. Thank you my sister. Thank YOU for your love and support. You will meet someone; do not give up and do not ever forget your worth.
All my love to you. I am so touched. You have helped me so much. I have come a way from where we started. I still struggle but I have grown even when I did not want to. I so appreciate your kind words and confidence in me. It helped me so much. I find it so amazing that I have not met you but we share such a common thread. It is such a gift to me. I do not feel alone but even when I do I know I can come here and feel ok. My respect for you is equally as high. I think you are fantastic and have much to give.
You stay with n your horse and keep your head high. It s very hard some days but look at all that is behind you. Thank you for giving of yourself even when you felt low. I wish you all good things and nothing but blessings. Talk soon. Love you sister. I will be here and help in any small way I can. Thank you for the beautiful words. We have each others backs and this place that Natasha has created will forever be my home to come back whenever I feel lost or just want to check in and see how everyone is doing.
I am so glad I have had the chance to get to speak with you and so many others on here who have shared their stories. I think sometimes the pain stays with us, not to make us afraid to move forward or feel sad, but to remind us that we MUST put ourselves and our own well being first and not put up with anyones b. I am now nearly a year round from my break up and have finally been able to move out from the house I shared with my ex so my recovery can truly start to kick in.
So when I was having a glum moment, your new post popped up in my emails and saved me yet again from spinning out of control. I am far from wanting anyone else in my life at the moment but this post gives me the hope and belief that once I have found me, then love may do the same. I hope your book is out soon as I am sure I will carry it with me everywhere! Xx Helen from England. I wish it took as long to write and publish a book as it does to read one, but you will know right away when it's available for order.
I wish that I could put into words just how appreciative and grateful I am for your sisterhood, love, and support. It means everything to me. Thank you so much for this.
You know exactly what to write and exactly how to say it, at the exact right time. Thank you Natasha! I continue to struggle with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, particularly after the man I was dating for months decided to move on with someone else but also continue to communicate with me and tell me that he still has strong feelings for me.
Your blog posts are very uplifting. Thank you again. You are loved, understood and supported. Thank you for being here and for being you.
Not only it hits home, but straight to my fabulous bedroom. As an Asian, at my age, the society including my parents now start to bother me with marriage question all the time. Sometime, I have this urge to go somewhere where nobody knows me and starting a new life.
Live well, Natasha. Wishing you the best and sending you so much love?? Very hard to find love for many of us single guys, now that so many women these days have their very high unrealistic expectations. Very easy for many of us men to really hate the holidays when they come around since it is no fun at all. I just had a breakup about almost a month ago now, and reading your blog has really helped me to try and move on. He was cheating on me the entire time, and i never knew.
My friends had warned me that he was a cheater and a bad guy, but i didnt listen because he always took advantage of my love for him, and would in a way, force me to believe him. He told me he would never cheat, and stay loyal. We had talked about moving in together, and other future refrences all the time….
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